Owning and running a small business is hard, often thankless work. It can feel like you never get a day, or even an hour, off. Ignoring your phone might mean missing the big client that will change your life. Or, if you’re like me and your business includes caring for people’s homes and loved ones maybe there’s an emergency and you need to jump into action. Whatever it is, it can be extremely hard to give yourself the permission to let go. Then when you finally do unplug a bit, how do you let go of the anxiety and really get the relaxation you need?
The first challenge is learning that sometimes, your time is not your own. You may have the best of intentions. You’re going to take the afternoon and spend some time with yourself. It’s going to be great. Oh no, your employee called out and now you have to cover their shift. Your day is ruined. And there’s not another one on the horizon for who knows how long? Accepting that your control is limited now is one of the best things you can do. This isn’t just about business owners. The more responsibilities we have the less control we have. Learning how to go with the flow and let go of the little things will give you the freedom to roll with the times you lose and make the time you have more valuable.
This is hugely challenging and it takes practice and commitment but it is doable. Start by learning to accept that sometimes self care doesn’t always look exactly like you want it to look. Maybe you have an hour where you don’t need to do anything, perhaps an appointment canceled or you just have a gap in your schedule. You could, and normally would, continue chipping away at your to do list, maybe instead you take some time for yourself. The hour is yours, do whatever makes you feel good. Sometimes I want to zone out and watch bad TV, sometimes I want to clean my house or get something off my personal to do list. I might go to the gym or a yoga class or take a bike ride. Maybe I make myself a delicious balanced meal instead of whatever I was going to grab on my way out the door. Whatever it is, I do it, and I consider myself productive for it. That’s right, even if I sat on my butt and watched trashy TV the whole time, I’m proud of myself. That was what I needed. This kind of thing is important for everyone, not just small business owners. For me, it was most important in the beginning of owning a business specifically. Most of these things I could do at any time, for little to no money. Scheduling self care was extremely challenging when my business operated from 7am until 11pm and there was no one else helping. Even with employees, I often had to be available for them if they needed me. This method is perfect for anyone going through big changes. While I don’t have experience myself, new moms and moms of toddlers have told me the bathroom has become their sanctuary because they can shut the door. It truly doesn’t matter where you are or how long you have. Learn to enjoy the little moments and take a deep breath to live in them.
Self care is usually different for everyone. A massage would be torture for someone who doesn’t like to be touched. What’s important is to do what you need to do to feel good and to recharge. Don’t apologize for it, don’t justify it. It’s OK if people don’t understand how your chosen self care makes you feel better. I have a friend that runs for miles to feel better. That would make me miserable but it works for her. For me, sometimes the best thing I can do for myself is make a home cooked meal even though it’s often the last thing I want to do. I also want to recognize that self care is almost always a privilege. If you’re working two jobs to support your family, plus running a business to create a better future, you probably don’t have an hour anywhere. Maybe you can take that extra minute or two in the shower to just be? Or maybe you listen to a podcast on your walk or drive to work that motivates you or even just makes you laugh. Self care really does look different for everyone and that’s OK. Try to find the little moments that bring you joy and take a second to really experience them. One of my favorite memories happened nearly 15 years ago. I was outside with a big group of dogs at the dog daycare I worked at. It was snowing so hard the whole world felt silent. I remember taking a deep breath and soaking in that moment for all it was worth. It still calms me to think about it even now. These little moments will be what gets you through when everything looks dark. As the adage goes, life is a marathon, not a sprint. Pace yourself and make sure you’re fueling yourself along the way. What’s your favorite self care? Someone reading this might need to hear it.
Stay tuned next week for a post about self care on a budget and the week after about how to roll with the punches.