Finding people you trust with all of you can sounds daunting. How can you know that they’ll listen and support you when you’re at your most vulnerable? (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, check out my Community post here). To me, the answer to this question is very simple. The phrases:
Be the change you wish to see in the world” and “Do unto others as you would have done unto you” come to mind. The best way to find these people, is to be this person for them. Of course you can’t just walk up to someone on the street and tell them you’re here to listen. Don’t make it weird. The people who are in your life, already with you but maybe not quite “there” yet are a perfect choice for this.
The easiest way, in my experience, to grow these relationships is to pay attention to what the people around you are thinking and feeling. Ask them how they’re doing and really listen. Ask them about something they talked about that was causing them distress days, or even weeks later. Sometimes, if it’s really important, I put a reminder in my phone so I don’t forget to ask in a timely manner. Writing it down doesn’t mean you care less, it means you care enough to know that it’s important and you don’t want to miss it. Once people see the support you’re able to give, they’ll return it. Just watch out for the feelings vampires, the ones who only want you to support them. That’s not healthy for anyone.
If you truly feel like there’s no one in your life that can be a community for you, it’s time to make friends. You can still do this virtually! Join groups with similar interests. Reach out to people and talk to them. Some of my best friendships started, or are entirely, online. Bonds can grow quickly when you can be honest with people and it’s easier to be honest behind a screen. If you can socialize (once COVID has been beaten back) join some groups that like the things you like. Meet those internet friends. The beauty of the internet is there a community for everyone. Think about your favorite TV show or book or movie. There’s probably a podcast about it, there is probably a group for it. Join up! Share something you love with other people that love it and watch those relationships thrive!