Have you ever gotten comfortable failing? It sounds weird right? Why would you ever get to a point where you were comfortable failing? How could it possibly feel good? The truth is, it doesn’t. Failure doesn’t feel good. Sure, making a couple mistakes and then finally getting it right feels pretty good. That’s just the contrast though. Repeated failure of the same thing over and over doesn’t feel good. So why do we do it? We all do it somewhere. Maybe we yo yo diet, struggle with addiction, spend money we know we don’t have. Why do we keep doing it? Sometimes it’s because it’s safe. We know what happens and we don’t like it but what if the other options are worse?! What if we change and we’re still not happy? Yikes. Sometimes we really don’t know how to fix it. We try, we have a little success, then it all comes crashing down around us again. That’s painful and frustrating and eventually we start to feel like we shouldn’t even bother. These are all real and deep reasons to stay stuck in a rut. I struggle with them too and I don’t have a lot of advice to fixing them except to keep trying. Seek help if you need it, from a therapist, doctor, support group, friend etc but keep trying.
What if though, we keep failing because we don’t want to admit we’re failing. Sometimes, the only way out is to admit to all the mistakes you’ve made and ask for help from people who can help you. We’ve talked about this before here: Fail to Succeed. Today I want to spend some time delving into why we don’t ask for help though. Speaking from my own experience, it is truly terrifying to own up to the mistakes you’ve made and the position you’re in because of them. It’s also the only way to get the help you need. You’ve probably heard the stories of people who lie to their therapists. Many of them don’t even know they’re doing it but they do it. They’re proud because their therapist says they’re doing so well and they’ve come so far. But really they’re just saying what they know everyone wants to hear. Which means they’re going to struggle to change. They may not have even admitted to themselves the reality of where they are. This is an easy trap. We often have a public mask on, which makes sense. You’re not going to go around telling everyone you know your deep dark secrets but sometimes it’s easy to get lost in the shuffle and forget to be honest with the people that love you, and even with yourself.
Admitting you’ve failed to a professional can be easier or harder depending on your perspective. More than likely, that professional you’ve hired to help you has been there and done that. They probably relate in a way that is quite profound, even if they don’t share it. But your perspective is that you’re talking to this person who obviously (maybe?) has their sh*t together and you’re just opening yourself to a world of pain and vulnerability with someone you don’t even know. The upside to sharing with these people is that, if you’re honest, they can almost definitely help you. Perspective is an amazing thing. There are so many times where I put so much effort into something that I’m completely blinded by an obvious problem with a simple solution but I need someone to ask the right questions. Insight from someone outside the problem with a background in helping businesses is like the golden ticket. Give them the facts, and they will guide you to the answers by asking questions you didn’t know existed.
Failing is painful. Whether it’s fairly small all the way up to sweeping and complete failure, it’s hard to admit that the reason we’re where we are is because of mistakes we made. Once you’ve admitted that to yourself, you can start sharing it with others. Eventually, someone is going to give you the right advice or ask you the right question and you’ll have the answers you need.